Don't look at this bit. We haven't written it yet.

Billy Falalelly wants to hear from you...

Billy Falalelly

Head of Customer Satisfaction

At 3 Legged Thing we take customer complaints really, really, really seriously. So if you've got something to say, and if nobody else can help, and the A-Team aren't available, post your complaint below, and our Chief Leprechaun will respond accordingly.


Luke, Head of International Sales, Peak Design LTD.

Why can't I find a new girlfriend...?? Wahhhhh! :( my nickname at school was tripod, yet still no lady love, what can be done Billy?

Billy Falalelly replied:


Dear Luke, thank you for submitting your complaint anonymously, with your actual personal email address. I tried to input your fake name on our system, in order to facilitate the complaint, but unfortunately my computer automatically corrected it to "Luke, from Oxford, who works for Peak Design LTD, in San Francisco, but still lives in Oxford, and heads up their international sales department. And then it just pastes in a link. Like this one. Which has your picture on it. This picture. Where they spelt "poxy" wrong.

Aaron Sheldon, Columbus Ohio.

It really pisses me off that you made my Brian tripod so perfect. Not one freaking thing wrong with it that I can complain about. I mean, seriously, where do you get the nerve, huh? But seriously: you guys rock and it is awesome to see a bunch of yabos in a chicken shed keeping the British end up with such awesomely designed and manufactured gear. Cheers

Billy Falalelly replied:


Dear Aaron, Perhaps you have misunderstood the nature of the word "complaint". I don't get paid a pittance to perpetuate a cycle of positivity and random congratulations. I have better things to do with my life than listen to your perky, upbeat drivel, spewing from your sycophantic, excitable head. Please cease immediately.

Cynthia, from shores undisclosed.

I want to vent about words ending with "ality" as in "functionality"! WHAT was/is wrong with the original word FUNCTION!

Billy Falalelly replied:

Toilet humour

Dear Cynthia, there is nothing wrong with the word "function". I quite often sit upon the throne to perform a function. It would be quite wrong to suggest I am performing functionality, unless I was simultaneously brushing my teeth.

Derek, Burnley, UK.

I used one of your tripods last year, and my photo was completely out of focus, poorly composed, and totally over exposed. How can you claim to be so good when the images produced are so bad?

Billy Falalelly replied:

Adjusting the column

Dear Derek, I gather that you own a "Brian" tripod? If this is the case, the best solution would be to extend the centre column to it's fullest extent, ensuring that the patented paralocks are done tightly, and that the column is stiff and firm to touch. Then, when you're sure it's sturdy, you can ram it right up your *&%*$le

Jeremy, Arizone, USA

Y'all, I was dismayed to discover that much of the spelling on your website is incorrect. Additional vowels have been added, quite unnecessarily, and, as a result, my $3000 laptop is besieged with red wiggly lines. It looks like an earthworm rave.

Billy Falalelly replied:


Dear Jeremy, earthworm raves were particularly popular in the early 90's, causing havoc in the bug communities. They were eventually phased out by the introduction of Starlings, but would no doubt have dissolved into oblivion due to the eventual domination of the Spice Girls.

Miriam, Daventry, England

Last night I gave your head a thorough going over for the first time. Being that I am a "small person" I found that the knob was much too cumbersome in my hand. Knobs with greater girth than my tiny fingers can be problematic, particularly during vigorous attempts at loosening. I think, in the circumstances, a smaller knob would be perfect for me. It would relieve me to have a smaller knob, so that I don't have to continue using my teeth while the knob is so stiff.

Billy Falalelly replied:

My phone number

Dear Miriam, I will happily provide you with a smaller knob. Please call me and I will deliver it personally.